Loneliness

I don’t know why people get to feel this way or why we deserve to feel lonely. It’s like life just doesn’t want you to feel good and you’re just stuck in a hole. I feel lonely and am lonely. I find myself sitting and looking around then being hit by a wall of loneliness. It’s just me and quietness. I don’t have anyone to text or talk to besides my boyfriend, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I have no one else to hangout with or chat with. Growing up I switched schools plenty of times to know how to make friends and be bubbly and open. For the FIRST time in my life that didn’t work. IT DIDN’T WORK?! Yes, it didn’t. I feel like I’ve been beat. Going to a small school, I should’ve been ready. It didn’t even phase me that it would be this hard.

At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.
– Brendan Behan

I wonder if Brendan Behan is trying to tell me that I am trying to findΒ my lost self. I wonder if this is much more than just loneliness. I wonder if I need to find myself again.

Loneliness starts to mix with depression for me. I start to put the 2 together and lose it. My body takes it all in and absorbs this feeling I am receiving or letting in. I don’t like to Β think about it, but sometimes it just happens and takes my entire body over. I just had a thought: I have been blogging for less than a month and when I felt this tidal wave of loneliness I went to my computer keys. Maybe I am finding myself again through my words. Thank you Elle Goulding for singing in my ears before I thought of that. But still, I’m lonely. Yes, that is me all the way on the right, with no date.

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.

-Marie Currie

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